My Favorite Things

I've begun preparing my Christmas Wrap-Up post and one of the things I planned on listing were a few of my favorite things.  Seeking inspiration, I decided to turn to the Grande Dame of favorite things, Maria VonTrapp.  Needless to say, I was most disappointed and more confused than I was inspired.  Below, is her list.

1. Raindrops on roses- really?  Raindrops?  I thought people were supposed to hate the rain?  Everyone except for Ernest P. Warrell, that is, and that's only because it masked his tears.  And just because they are on roses doesn't make it any better.  I could put a whole host of sad items on a rose and all I would be left with was the lousy item and a weighed down rose.  Come on, Maria, surely you can do better than that.
2. Whiskers on kittens- whiskers? You've got to be kidding me!  Not a kitten, not a kitten with whiskers, but the whiskers themselves (provided they are still on the kitten)? I don't particularly care for cats.  Kittens are cute, though, I suppose.  But I didn't know that anyone would be particularly drawn to just their whiskers.  I'm thinking Captain Georg better start growing a beard.  Things aren't looking good Maria, we're 0 for 2.
3. Bright copper kettles- well, Williams Sonoma will at least be happy with this one.  I wish she told us exactly what it was she liked, but at least it's a step in the right direction.  Things are looking up!
4. Warm woolen mittens- perfect for a mountainous escape out of Austria I guess.
5. Brown paper packages tied up with strings- what strikes me as odd it that she is apparently indifferent to the contents of these packages.  They could be empty for all she cares.  Just make sure they are wrapped in brown craft paper and tied with strings.  If you use ribbon and wrapping paper she's likely to throw a fit.  Or worse, get Mother Superior to launch into the chorus of "Climb Every Mountain"!
6. Cream colored ponies- ummm.  Maria, now that's just being racist!  What about the black and brown ponies?  Is there no place on your list for them?  Surely one of them could replace the whiskers.  I bet they have to have blue eyes and swastika brands as well.  Oh well, you know what they say, "When in occupied Austria, do as the nazis do".
7. Crisp Apple Strudels- finally, one i might would actually put on my list.  Thank you Maria, I knew you wouldn't let me down.
8. Doorbells- ummmm
9. Sleighbells- you've made your point, you like bells.  Move on!
10. Schnitzel with noodles- gross.  Maybe she should have continued listing various types of bells.  That one's on me guys, my bad.
11. Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings- geese are scary.  I can only imagine wild ones are even scarier (especially if you tease them with the schnitzel).  And while I'm no astronomer, the moon is pretty big.  In order for a goose (wild or domestic for that matter) to support the weight of the moon on its wings, it would have to be terrifyingly huge.  That's not a goose, Maria, it's called a dragon.  And nobody likes dragons (except for Pete, I guess).
12. Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes- Maria...dear sweet Maria...you make your clothes from curtains.  Do you really think you should be dispensing fashion advice?  
13. Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes- wouldn't that feel annoying?  Like something is dangling right at your eye?  I don't like it when an eyelash gets loose and dangles on the other eyelashes.  It would be even worse if it were wet and cold.  And wouldn't snow on your nose start to sting after a while? How long do you want it to stay on there?  Maria, wake up.  You're asking for a severe case of facial frostbite. 
14. Silver white winters that melt into springs- wait, now I'm confused.  If the winter melts into spring, that's going to get rid of that snowflake you wanted permanently affixed to various parts of your face.  Make up your mind Maria.  You can't have your snowflakes and melt them too.

When the dog bites, when the bee stings...go to the doctor.  Taking time to enjoy some schnitzel with noodles is only going to make the swelling worse and give the rabies time to spread.  And by all means, on your way watch out for that moon carrying goose.  You only thought the bee sting was bad.