Banned In Bama

The Alabama Alcoholic Beverage Control Board recently told stores and restaurants to quit serving and selling "Cycles Gladiator" wine, because it found the label (which features a stylized art-nouveau rendition of a nude female with a flying bicycle) violated Alabama rules against displaying "a person posed in an immoral or sensuous manner."

Since the news of this story broke, visits to the website of Hahn Family Wines (the company that produces the wine) have increased tenfold. The increased interest this national exposure (pun intended) has generated has led the company to develop a marketing campaign featuring in-store displays that carry the slogans "Banned In Bama" and "Taste What They Can't Have in Alabama."

Great press for the wine label, lousy press for Alabama! I guess there are two things that bother me about the decision here. First, (and maybe it's just me and my mind is so filled with filth and so utterly corrupted) I don't find the label particularly sensual. And I would be hard pressed to find the act of nude cycling immoral (not that I am myself an avid nude cyclist).

Secondly, the label is from a popular 1895 French poster considered classic art by many. Originals of this poster sell for as much as $50,000. And while nude art seems to bother the ABC Board, other eintities of the Alabama government aren't as concerned. Museums across the state carry postcards from the Alabama Tourism Department that feature a photo of a 19th century nude statue. And Alabama's Capitol has two historic paintings that feature several topless female Indians. And, of course, there's Vulcan, the iron statue whose ass is prominently visible from much of the suburb of Homewood.

So, it seems like the "law" can be interpreted pretty loosely. And it's ironic that of several entities of the government that seem to disregard the rule, the booze board is the one that has decided to take the moral high road. That's good...there's nothing worse than a perverted drunk.

Seattle All Time Heat Record

Seattle broke an all time heat record today with a high of 103 degrees. The previous record for downtown was set in July of 1941. 103 is 26 degrees hotter than the average for July, 29. It's hot for sure, especially considering most people don't have air conditioning in their homes. Thankfully, I do. It's a comfortable 68 in my condo. The heat wave is supposed to last through the weekend. We are under an "excessive heat warning" until next week. Not sure if it's the heat or what, but I'm in a funk and am a bit homesick. I need to snap out of it though.

I like that phrase--"Snap out of it." If only it were that easy. Whenever we are feeling blah, wouldn't it be great if we could just snap and return to "happy-go-lucky." It's a pity it's not that easy. I need to find Mary Poppins. She used the snapping to clean up toys; maybe she has a version for this. Or perhaps the seven dwarves have a whistling routine for it. Although I'm not that good at whistling...so maybe that wouldn't help after all.

I saw this and thought it was pretty funny, and then turned even more ironic. It doesn't have anything to do with this post, but I like posts with videos, so here one is.

Anyway, this was a rambling rant, but at least it was a post.

Until the next one, (and I suppose even after the next one) take care.

Down with Denny's & Carbonated Milk

The Center for Science in the Public Interest, a consumer activist group, filed a suit against Denny's last Thursday for not doing enough to warn their customers about the dangerously high sodium content in some of their menu items. According to the group, most Americans should have a maximum daily sodium intake of 1500 mg. Many of the items on their menu have over twice that amount. The Meat Lover's Scramble, for example, has 5,690 mg of sodium--379% of the recommended daily amount.

Umm, it's Denny's...what did you expect? Celery sticks and carrots? I've seen the types of people that frequent the place and a sodium content label on the menu wouldn't exactly discourage this group from digging in. My guess is it would more likely have the opposite effect, driving them into a fierce salt consumption competition to see who can get their heart to stop the soonest.

And as for not doing enough to warn the customers about the high sodium content; if a patron can't tell for themselves that the Meat Lover's Scrambler might have an exorbitant amount of sodium based on the fact that it consists of two eggs with chopped bacon, diced ham, crumbled sausage, cheese, plus two bacon strips, two sausage links, hash browns, and two pancakes, then their sodium intake is the least of their problems. The mental disorder surely trumps their heart condition. And what more could Denny's do, they even have a picture of the salt factory right there on the menu so the illiterate will know what they are getting into. No, I think the burden lies on the customer here. Again, they knew they were walking into a Denny's.

In even stranger food news, Coca Cola is launching a new drink containing skim milk, sparkling water, fruit flavoring, and cane sugar. Carbonated Milk? Now I love Coke, and I love carbonate beverages, but this is beyond bizarre sounding. Now I know what the Oompa Loompas at WIlly Wonka have been up to after Charlie ruined the plans for their Fizzy Lifting Gas. The new beverage is being marketed under the name Vio, and the launch campaign claims it tastes "like a birthday party for a polar bear". Thank God!...I've spent the last 30 years of my life wondering what a polar bear birthday party tastes like. Now I'll know. I imagine it's quite similar to the polar bear christmas party I tasted back in February. I'm curious as to whether the carbonation is added after milk is taken from the cow, or if they are pumping up a bunch of cows with CO2. Now that would make for an interesting exhibit at the World of Coke Museum.

We're having a heat wave in Seattle this week. Mid-90's. People are whining nonstop. It's all some can talk about. Most people here don't have A/C. I do. Those poor unfortunate souls. I should rent out floor space in my condo until the heat passes. I shouldn't be too cruel...winter is just around the corner and I'm sure I will be the one crying then.

Sayonara Sarah

Yesterday we had a parade in downtown.  Naturally I assumed it was in celebration of the resignation of Sarah Palin, so I went down to join the festivities decked out in a particularly fierce Palin costume.  I spent hours on my hair alone, wanting it to be spot on, so you can only imagine my surprise when I got there and everyone else was dressed in various forms of Pirate garb. Pirates...I was so confused.  Admittedly some people might not be comfortable dressing in drag, but they could have gone as John McCain, or at least a Russian.  But no, they chose pirates?  And they all chose pirates?  Was there something about Palin I didn't know?  Turns out, it wasn't a Palin Parade at all.  It was a pirate themed parade called "Torchlight" to ring in Seattle's annual "SeaFair" festivities.  Oh well, lesson learned.  

Nonetheless, today is the day that Sarah steps down from the high office of Governor of Alaska to pursue a full time career of fear-mongering, mean spiritedness, and wacky incompetence.  With new ethics probes on the horizon, mounting legal debts, and faltering popularity, she has decided that the current political landscape is not for her.  While I'm not a fan, I do have to give it to the girl, she made for one incredibly humorous election, and was singlehandedly responsible for the funniest season of SNL in recent memory.  

Who knows what the future holds for her.  She will no doubt make a bajillion dollars on the speaking circuit, gabbing incoherently to anyone crazy enough to listen.  And let's be honest, there are plenty of crazies out there who will.  I'm certain that NBC and Lorne Michaels are personally funding a re-election campaign for her in 2012...they haven't seen ratings like that in forever.  Perhaps she will make a go at the top seat in '12.  She could chose James Dobson as her running mate.  A "Focus on the First Family" of sorts.  For me, though, she will always be the Susan Boyle of American politics.  Brought out from obscurity, rushed into the national spotlight, impressing some, and then cracking under the weight on the popularity she had achieved.  

In her honor, I've posted two of my favorite Palin-esque videos.  Happy Palin Resignation Day to you all!

I'm Back, For Now Anyway

So, admittedly I have fallen off the blogging bandwagon, but I'm trying to climb back on again.  I'll blame it on trying to get settled in a new city, blah blah blah.  No excuses, I'm lame, I can admit it. This is actually my first post since being here in Seattle.  It's hard to believe I have been here 4 months already.  I'm enjoying it, but there are things I definitely miss about home (Cohen, if you have learned to read and are reading this, I mean you).  

Seattle is a gorgeous city.  The summer weather has been quite nice.  Next week it's actually supposed to be in the mid 90's.  Just like the Ham.  I absolutely love my condo.  It has an amazing view of the Pugent sound, the space needle, and random downtown hotels and banks.  It's a "green" building, which as far as I can tell means the A/C is some robot controlled device that I have yet to figure out how to work, and the toilets have 2 different flush modes- one with more water, one with less.  I guess I haven't gone completely green, though, as I seem to always use the more water flush.  I do use a reusable grocery bag, so they haven't threatened to kick me out yet.  All my appliances love to beep incessantly.  Leave the refrigerator door open, and it starts to chirp, when the dishwasher is done it emits a high pitched squeal until you open it, the washer and dryer beep each time it moves into a new cycle.  I'm not sure how that is more "green" but my power bill averages $15 a month so I'm not complaining.  

Work is fantastic.  There is something uniquely satisfying about what I do.  The only problem is that the office is on the edge of nowhere so the commute is a bit of a bitch, and it seems like everyone that works there, also live out there (there being Federal Way); so while there are some great people in my department, it never seems we hang out after work, and that makes meeting new people a bit of a challenge.  Oh well, I haven't been here that long, so I will still give myself some time to meet more people.  That being said, the few people I have met are super nice- there just needs to be more of them.

I think I'll close this post with a pop-culture update for the week, for those that have lives of their own and can't spend the time tracking the lives of others.  

The teaser trailer for Tim Burton's "Alice In Wonderland" was leaked this week.  From the looks of it, the movie should probably be called "The Mad Hatter In Wonderland."  It's not surprising, though.  It's a Tim Burton movie and the random girl cast as Alice obviously didn't look crazy enough to be the lead.

Lady GaGa appeared for an interview in Germany wearing a scarf of Kermit the Frogs. Somewhere in the world, Bjork is cursing her for finally trumping the ridiculous swan-costume thing she wore to the academy awards many years ago.  Lady Gaga is known for some wackiness for sure, but this may be too much even for her.  I imagine the folks at PETK (People for the Ethical Treatment of Kermits) are preparing a demonstration even as I type this. 

Michael Jackson's family is on the hunt to sue whoever was responsible for his death (umm, wouldn't that also be Michael Jackson); Mickey Rourke got drunk, stole a statue from a bar, fought a traffic barrier; and the star of USA's "Burn Notice" was arrested for drunk driving when he drove his car straight into a police car.  

Paula Abdul's American Idol future is still unclear as she has yet to agree on the terms of a contract extension.  She is reportedly holding out for more money.  Last season she earned $2 million, but since Ryan is now getting $15 million a season, she thinks she is worth more.  

Finally, while there have been a rash of sad celebrity deaths this season, perhaps the most tragic of all occurred today.  Alexis Cohen, of crazy swearing I hate Simon Cowell and American Idol fame, was found dead in what investigators are labeling a homicide.  I leave you with this tribute to her.  Godspeed, Alexis.  Your candle burned out long before your legend ever will.