X-Factor. I LOVE this show.

It's two weeks into the final rounds of X-Factor and I'm ready to declare my favorites for the season (which if my American Idol record stands, is very bad news for them).

Danyl Johnson- the overconfident guy with the powerhouse voice.

Joe McElderry- the sweetheart with the tender voice.

Stacey Solomon- The surprise with the soulful voice

Nursery Rhymes are Terrifying...the saga ends

Missed another night, grrrr....and I was doing so good at the start. Oh well, that means another double dose post. The first rhyme is one I had never heard until I started my nursery rhyme research. It's called "Ladybug, Ladybug" and was written in 1744.

Ladybug, ladybug

Fly away home

Your house is on fire

And your children all gone

All except one

And that's little Ann

For she crept under

The frying pan

What in the world? Had this been written today, I would assume it was some social commentary on working mothers. Busy, career oriented ladybug goes off to work leaving her little ones at home. House catches fire while she's away (most likely because she left the flat iron on in her dash to get to the office), and all but one of her children are burned to death. And poor, sweet, Ann will have to live with the burn scars and the emotional horror of watching her siblings melt in the heat. Sweet dreams kids!

Next is "Solomon Grundy" from 1842, another rather obscure tale.

Solomon Grundy

Born on a Monday

Christened on Tuesday

Married on Wednesday

Took ill on Thursday

Grew worse on Friday

Died on Saturday

Buried on Sunday

This is the end

Of Solomon Grundy

So first off, I think promoting the idea of 3 day olds getting married is disgusting. I don't even think the mormons would advocate this. And then, after his forced betrothal, poor little Solomon contracts some hideous disease that kills him within the week. Brings a tear to my eye and a chill to my spine. Cross this one off the list as well. Nothing good can come of sharing this with your child (unless your 3 day old is thinking about getting married, then you can use it as a cautionary tale).

As we close this week of nursery rhymes, I can't help but think of the whole "Balloon Boy" saga that unfolded a few days ago. I'm still not sure what transpired, but you can bet that in the year 2210, children everywhere will be told about it in rhyme as they prepare for bed.

There was a young family

Who built a balloon

The dad wanted fame so badly

He didn't know what to do

So he grabbed his small boy

And put him in a box

Launched the balloon

And alerted the cops

When the balloon landed

The boy was not there

The neighbors all worried

He'd died in the air

As the townspeople gathered

Filled with sorrow and pain

The boy did appear

Saying "Twas all just a game"

Nursery Rhymes are Terrifying...part 4

Oops. I missed a day. So that means today we get a double dose of rhyming terror. Keep your children at bay. This post is rated MG-17 (that's Mother Goose 17).

The first of this double feature of frights is from 1765. "Jack and Jill"

Jack and Jill went up the hill

To fetch a pail of water

Jack fell down and broke his crown

And Jill came tumbling after

Two innocent kids, just setting out to do what I assume to be their chores. This could be a good lesson for children, if only we left it at the first two lines. But nooooo....the rhyme has to add in a completely unnecessary "no good deed goes unpunished" element by causing Jack to crack his skull, and Jill to come falling after him. This makes the story a less than ideal motivator for getting your kids to help out around the house. It's just too dangerous. Much better to lounge around and play video games.

Next we have the 1805 story of "Old Mother Hubbard".

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To fetch her poor dog a bone;
But when she came there
The cupboard was bare,
And so the poor dog had none.

She took a clean dish
To get him some tripe;
But when she came back
He was smoking a pipe.
She went to the grocer's
To buy him some fruit;
But when she came back
He was playing the flute.

She went to the baker's
To buy him some bread;
But when she came back
The poor dog was dead.

She went to the undertaker's
To buy him a coffin;
But when she came back
The poor dog was laughing.

She went to the hatter's
To buy him a hat;
But when she came back
He was feeding the cat.

The dame made a curtsey,
The dog made a bow;
The dame said, "Your servant."
The dog said, "Bow wow!"

So this one is probably better classified as "crazy in the head", than scary. It appears to tell the story of a dog that dies during a drug-induced, flute playing accident; only to resurrect himself so that he may laugh uncontrollably while feeding a cat. Someone needs to tell Mother Goose to put down the bottle of Grey Goose.

Nursery Rhymes are Terrifying...part 3

Skipping ahead a few more years, we find ourselves in 1794, with "There Was an Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe"

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe

She had so many children, she didn't know what to do

She gave them some broth without any bread

Then whipped them all soundly and sent them to bed

Sounds to me like the original "Kate Plus Eight.", only without TLC's money to provide for the family. I kind feel for the old gal, all those kids and obviously no money. But if you can only afford broth for your kids, then you shouldn't have had that many to begin with. Or is she withholding the bread as some sort of punishment? I can't tell. If so, that's terribly cruel. Not the kind of bedtime story you want to read your kids for sure. A story that ends with a sound whipping for no given reason only instills fear. And you want your kids to love and respect you, not fear you....even if you have too many of them and can only afford to live in a shoe. You hear that Kate...I'm talking to you!

Nursery Rhymes are Terrifying...part 2

For our next installment, we'll move ahead a few years to 1765 with the classic lullaby "Rock A Bye Baby"

Rock-a-bye baby, in the tree top

When the wind blows, the cradle will rock

When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall

And down will come baby, cradle in all

So this seems more like a veiled threat than a lullaby of comfort and solace. Basically, you're saying, "Shut up kid, I'd hate for that bough to break and see you come tumbling from the treetops." And who in the world puts cradles in trees in the first place. I'm pretty sure DCS will haul off your kids for that. The title itself alerts us to the rhymes' sinister intentions. It says "bye baby" right there in the title and first line. So pick a new lullaby for your kids, it's a cruel enough world as it is. The last thing they need to worry about as they drift off to sleep is that they're going to come crashing out of a tree.

Nursery Rhymes are Terrifying...part 1

For reasons unknown to me, I have been reading nursery rhymes lately. I'm not sure if I never noticed, or just didn't care, but nursery rhymes are terrifying. So, as we approach halloween, I hereby declare this week "Nursery Rhymes are Terrifying" week. Each day, I will post a terrifying nursery rhyme for your consideration. If you are a parent of a young child, please protect them by not ever reading any of the rhymes I discuss in the days to come.

For our first installment, we'll be looking at a nursery rhyme that dates back to 1744. "Sing a Song of Sixpence"

Sing a song of sixpence

A pocket full of rye

Four and twenty blackbirds

Baked in a pie

When the pie was opened

The birds began to sing

Wasn't that a dainty dish

To set before a king

The king was in his counting house

Counting out his money

The queen was in the parlour

Eating bread and honey

The maid was in the garden

Hanging out the clothes

When down came a blackbird

And snapped off her nose

Hmmmm.....where to begin. I guess I'll start with the blackbirds. I'm not sure what kind of bionic feathered demons these birds are; but if they can stand 45 minutes at 350 degrees and live to sing about it, I sure as hell don't want them set anywhere near me. And these winged terrors are apparently quite vindictive, and have no qualms taking out there anger on innocent bystanders...that poor maid, just out doing some laundry. She had no idea what was coming.

Then there's the king. I don't know whether to feel sorry for him, or blame him. Either he was the recipient of a horrific practical joke and faced the horror of cutting into what he thought to be a delicious pie, only to have 24 screeching birds fly out; or he's some sick, twisted, ruler that feasts on living animals. In either case, the way he was able to simply move on from the experience and start counting money says something about his character.

And, of course, we have the queen. This glutenous wench seems oblivious to the horrors around her. Her husband is chowing down on living birds, her maid is being attacked, and all she cares about is feasting on her precious bread and honey. Hardly a role model for the kids.

So we have fireproof birds, sadistic kings, selfish queens, missing body parts...and this is a story we are supposed to tell our kids at bedtime? This has been going on since 1744, I don't think we can blame television and video games for warping our children's impressionable minds anymore.