Nursery Rhymes are Terrifying...part 1

For reasons unknown to me, I have been reading nursery rhymes lately. I'm not sure if I never noticed, or just didn't care, but nursery rhymes are terrifying. So, as we approach halloween, I hereby declare this week "Nursery Rhymes are Terrifying" week. Each day, I will post a terrifying nursery rhyme for your consideration. If you are a parent of a young child, please protect them by not ever reading any of the rhymes I discuss in the days to come.

For our first installment, we'll be looking at a nursery rhyme that dates back to 1744. "Sing a Song of Sixpence"

Sing a song of sixpence

A pocket full of rye

Four and twenty blackbirds

Baked in a pie

When the pie was opened

The birds began to sing

Wasn't that a dainty dish

To set before a king

The king was in his counting house

Counting out his money

The queen was in the parlour

Eating bread and honey

The maid was in the garden

Hanging out the clothes

When down came a blackbird

And snapped off her nose

Hmmmm.....where to begin. I guess I'll start with the blackbirds. I'm not sure what kind of bionic feathered demons these birds are; but if they can stand 45 minutes at 350 degrees and live to sing about it, I sure as hell don't want them set anywhere near me. And these winged terrors are apparently quite vindictive, and have no qualms taking out there anger on innocent bystanders...that poor maid, just out doing some laundry. She had no idea what was coming.

Then there's the king. I don't know whether to feel sorry for him, or blame him. Either he was the recipient of a horrific practical joke and faced the horror of cutting into what he thought to be a delicious pie, only to have 24 screeching birds fly out; or he's some sick, twisted, ruler that feasts on living animals. In either case, the way he was able to simply move on from the experience and start counting money says something about his character.

And, of course, we have the queen. This glutenous wench seems oblivious to the horrors around her. Her husband is chowing down on living birds, her maid is being attacked, and all she cares about is feasting on her precious bread and honey. Hardly a role model for the kids.

So we have fireproof birds, sadistic kings, selfish queens, missing body parts...and this is a story we are supposed to tell our kids at bedtime? This has been going on since 1744, I don't think we can blame television and video games for warping our children's impressionable minds anymore.