Nursery Rhymes are Terrifying...part 4

Oops. I missed a day. So that means today we get a double dose of rhyming terror. Keep your children at bay. This post is rated MG-17 (that's Mother Goose 17).

The first of this double feature of frights is from 1765. "Jack and Jill"

Jack and Jill went up the hill

To fetch a pail of water

Jack fell down and broke his crown

And Jill came tumbling after

Two innocent kids, just setting out to do what I assume to be their chores. This could be a good lesson for children, if only we left it at the first two lines. But nooooo....the rhyme has to add in a completely unnecessary "no good deed goes unpunished" element by causing Jack to crack his skull, and Jill to come falling after him. This makes the story a less than ideal motivator for getting your kids to help out around the house. It's just too dangerous. Much better to lounge around and play video games.

Next we have the 1805 story of "Old Mother Hubbard".

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To fetch her poor dog a bone;
But when she came there
The cupboard was bare,
And so the poor dog had none.

She took a clean dish
To get him some tripe;
But when she came back
He was smoking a pipe.
She went to the grocer's
To buy him some fruit;
But when she came back
He was playing the flute.

She went to the baker's
To buy him some bread;
But when she came back
The poor dog was dead.

She went to the undertaker's
To buy him a coffin;
But when she came back
The poor dog was laughing.

She went to the hatter's
To buy him a hat;
But when she came back
He was feeding the cat.

The dame made a curtsey,
The dog made a bow;
The dame said, "Your servant."
The dog said, "Bow wow!"

So this one is probably better classified as "crazy in the head", than scary. It appears to tell the story of a dog that dies during a drug-induced, flute playing accident; only to resurrect himself so that he may laugh uncontrollably while feeding a cat. Someone needs to tell Mother Goose to put down the bottle of Grey Goose.