Super Important Message to Youth Pastors, High School Club Sponsors, and Small-Time Event Planners About Event T-Shirts

I was riding back from lunch with a friend the other day and somehow the subject of church camp shirts came up. This got me thinking, and as often is the case, that thinking led to a mental rant…which I have decided to post here as a means of therapy. We will call this my “Super Important Message to Youth Pastors, High School Club Sponsors, and Small-Time Event Planners About Event T-Shirts”

To start with, focus first on the shirt and not the design. No amount of hip design work is going to make that ash grey shirt look cool. Also off limits: royal blue, fire engine red, and hunter green. Take a quick trip to the mall. If the only place you can find the color shirt you’re considering is in a crayola 8 pack, then it’s probably best you reconsider.

As for the fabric, poly-blend is your friend. Say it with me, it even rhymes to make it easier to remember. I know there’s that whole Leviticus mixing your fabrics thing, but if the Jewish Law had been able to foresee the horror that is the Hanes Beefy T, I’m certain there would have been a listed exception. Nothing like 150% cotton to drape your body into a shapeless form. Go ahead and add a little poly, make yourself look like a person and not a blob from a horror flick lagoon. In fact, go a bit crazy, opt for a blend that has a little stretch. You’ll notice your friends start ignoring you less. Remember, if the shirt looks as flattering on a box as it does the human figure, move on to the next style.

My biggest pet peeve (not that I generally keep peeves as pets) is the ratio of shirt sizes that are selected for these events. Not everyone attending your function is an NFL linebacker. Keep that in mind and size accordingly. Some of us are “travel size” and would appreciate a shirt that doesn’t slide off our shoulders and hang well past our knees. I’ve never had the urge to buy a night gown, but I also wouldn’t need to. I’ve been to enough shirt granting functions that I could be gowned up every night of the week if I so chose. Never forget that you’re designing shirts, not sleeping bags.

For the most part, long sleeve t-shirts are a bad idea. The problem is with the big elastic cuff that plagues most of them. All the excess sleeve material gathers at the cuff and billows out in a cascading puffy ruffle manner that leaves you looking more like an extra in a low budget Shakespeare in the Park production than a participant in “Jesus Explosion ‘05”. So, if you’re hosting your event in North Dakota, and feel compelled to go with long sleeves, search for one without an elastic cuff….unless, of course, your event is a Shakespeare in the Park production.

As for the design of the shirt, there are basically 2 rules. Rule #1: Less is more. Don’t cover the whole thing in your design. Screen printing ink can get kinda thick and if you layer it on, you end up with a puff paint looking top straight from the 3rd grade Vacation Bible School crafts class. Rule #2: Get creative with the design placement. Nothing screams “old school, college frat kegger” like a logo on the right chest and a big graphic on the center of the back. Again, go shopping. How many shirts hanging on the rack have that design placement? Unless you’re shopping at a thrift store, I promise you the answer is none.

Well it’s late, and I’m getting pretty sleepy. Guess it’s time to throw on my “Jesus Explosion ‘05” gown and hit the bed. Sweet Dreams!

Random Update

It's been a crazy few weeks. That's my excuse for not having posted in a while. I would like to say that it's because of my super-hectic social life, but most of you that know me would surely call my bluff. I went to a few places with some friends on Halloween. I wore my usual costume and went as a youngish snob who thinks he's too good to dress up on Halloween. It was quite a convincing costume, but I didn't win any prizes. But aside from my lack of costume trophies, things have been pretty good.

We had another re-org at work (that makes 3 since I've been there). My role got expanded a bit. And our team moved to a new area which consists of a bunch of folding tables in a big open space. They call it "collaborative space". I call it "cheap". I guess it means more money for starving kids, however, so I can't complain too much. And I will admit that it does enhance collaboration. I just need to come up with a way to glam the space up a bit. We have a strict "no feathers and glitter" policy, though, so I will have to come up with some creative work-arounds.

Friday at lunch, I was told by a friend that I had a "pretty personality". The problem is, the conversation wasn't about personalities. So instead of it being a compliment, I was suddenly the fat chick being awarded "Miss Congeniality" at a beauty contest. Ouch! I have a list where I rank my friends, and this individual had been moving up the list. This is definitely gonna' cost them a few spots.

I think Seattle skipped fall this year and went straight to winter. It's been a rainy mess. The summer was super nice so I was thinking maybe all the dreary Seattle banter was just hype--turns out it's not. But me and my pretty personality are going to make the most of it, spreading a little bit of sunshine wherever I go. And to the friend that awarded me "Miss Congeniality", that award better be coming with a scepter and a sash.