American Idol: Dallas Recap

Idol visits the Lonestar State for the sixth stop on the audition tour. Dallas, Texas. The guest judge for day 1 is none other than Neil Patrick Harris. I love me some Neil Patrick Harris. So from the outset, I’m pretty happy.

First up is Julie Kevelighan. First off she looks ridiculous in a sparkly blue-green outfit with loads of green eye shadow…basically an ugly mermaid. She sings terribly. It’s as if Ursula finally got her revenge on Ariel and turned her into this. Instead of judging her performance, the judges critique the sign she carried into the audition. Unfortunately for her, the sign is just as bad as her voice. She not going to Hollywood.

Lloyd Thomas is dock worker. He’s pretty funny, actually. He’s got a good Reuben Studdard-esque voice (not that it’s worked out too well for Reuben), and the judges give him a golden ticket.

Kimberly Carver decides to sing an original song. Original songs (as I have mentioned before) have been the kiss of death in the past. This season, though, they seem to be a sure fire way to make it to Hollywood. Randy and Kara like her, Simon doesn’t. Neil Patrick Harris decides to be precocious and says yes to piss Simon off.

Dexter Ward is a disaster. Imagine Tracy Morgan playing a gay guy on 30 Rock, and that’s what you’ve got here. Everything about this guy is wrong. The judges tear the audition to shreds and he starts to cry. I’m not moved.

Erica Rhodes used to be an actress on the show “Barney and Friends”. She feels the need to show everyone that she’s all grown up so she does what I do when I need to show people the same thing…she dresses up like a dominatrix. The judges ask her to sing the theme song from Barney. She does, in full dominatrix attire. Not sure what kind of “happy family” Barney and the gang had back in the day, but he must be one tough dinosaur. The whole thing is super strange, but the judges are impressed enough to put her through.

Then we meet Dave Pittman. Dave has Tourettes syndrome. Umm…last week we had a girl that couldn’t move half her face and this week we have a guy with Tourettes? Is this American Idol or Ripley’s Believe It or Not? He does a good job, and I keep wondering if anyone is gonna mention the Tourettes. It’s kinda awkward. Neil Patrick Harris breaks the ice, though, and calls it out. Thanks Neil! The judges give Dave a golden ticket. He’s going to Hollywood.

For day 2 in Dallas, the judges are joined by guest judge Joe Jonas. He says less than 10 words the entire show. Joe, we get it, you’re hot. But you gotta contribute something to the show, my friend.

Todrick Hall is the first performer in front of the judges for day two. He used to sing in the Color Purple. He’s cute, and has a nice vibe about him. He sings a super corny original song about the judges, but because this is the year of the original songs, he makes it through anyway. I actually really liked his voice, but wished he had sung a real song.

We see a montage of yes votes, and then meet Meghan Wright. This girl is a fashion disaster, but cute in a disastrous kind of way. She reminds me of that quirky Meghan Joy from last season. The judges like her voice and send her to Hollywood.

Vanessa Johnston makes me want to punch a hole in a wall. She stays positive, evidently by dressing in ridiculous pink and purple outfits. She’s high on pep, but very low on talent. She keeps that positive attitude even as the judges ridicule her performance. You go girl!

Christian Spear is a cancer survivor. She’s 16 so Randy has to exclaim that he can’t believe that she’s only 16. I think she’s the best female vocalist of the night. Not that the competition was particularly steep. So Christian survives cancer and the audition process…and I survive the Dallas episode. All in all, this one was a pretty good one, with the highlights listed below.

Best Female Voice: Christian Spear
Best Male Voice: Todrick Hall
Prettiest Girl: Kimberly Carver
Cutest Guy: Todrick Hall
Best Personality: Lloyd Thomas
Best Overall: Christian Spear

American Idol: Los Angeles Recap

Ameican Idol is in its hometown of Los Angeles for the 5^th stop on the audition tour. The guest judge for the first day is Avril Lavigne. She’s wearing a hoodie with devil horns, which is a little strange. But what’s even stranger is that she keeps the hood up during the auditions. It’s tough to pull off the horned hoodie, and I’m not sure Avril has what it takes to do it.

The first contestant is Neal. Neal is a tall, awkward looking nerd. This means that unless he’s Clay Aiken, he’s not going to be going to the next round. He tells us he’s into pretty much everything…books, music, you name it. What he’s not into, evidently, is a matte foundation. Seriously, I can see Simon’s refelction in this guy’s face. As expected, he is lousy. He says the judges are making a mistake and he’s not going to leave. I’m excited that we might get to see another guy get cuffed, but he finally acquiesces and heads out on his on.

The next contestant is Jim Ranger. Like many Idol hopefuls before him, he’s a worship pastor. He sings an original song, which is usually the kiss of death. But, because Idol loves them some worship pastors, he gets a ticket. Avril makes some weird comments and votes no, but the other judges prevail.

A series of lousy performers follow. Then we meet Damien. He’s a martial artist who is also a pacifist. He makes sandwiches, apparently pepperoni is popular. He can’t remember the name of the song he’s gonna sing. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to forget how utterly horrific his voice is.

Some cute kids bring us back from the commercial break, and then we meet mommy Mary. Mary has a female rocker vibe. Simon likes the voice, but says she’s cliché’. They all give her a yes.

AJ Mendoza is an Adam Lambert wannabe. He’s rockin’ Lambert’s hair, he’s wearing Lambert’s clothes. He tries to sound like Lambert. He fails. It’s painful to listen to. Avril can’t help but burst out laughing. I can’t help but burst out in tears. Why would anyone subject themselves, let alone me, to this torture.

For day two, Katy Perry is guest judging. This should be interesting.

Austin is the kind of guy that would bring people onto the stage, and wouldn’t care if people touch him. Those are his words, not mine. He’s wearing a plastic red and striped shirt, and some coordinating plastic pants. It’s the ugliest thing I’ve seen in a long while. He sings a Cheap Trick song, and it’s predictably bad.

Another segment of no’s and I start to question if we’re going to see anyone that can sing. We meet Andrew Garcia, who’s a dad who’s focused on the bigger picture. His parents were gang members who wanted a different life for their son. Andrew is good. Simon is glad they met each other. I’m glad we finally got to see someone who can sing. After four yes votes, he makes it through.

Tasha is a personal assistant by day, and a minister by night. She’s amazing. The judges love her. The LA ministers are 2 for 2.

Jason Greene is a 21 year old who wants a golden ticket and believes in magic. He sings “I Touch Myself”. This would be frightening coming from any singer, but coming from this guy it has an extra special level of creepiness. His creepiness wears off on Kara and she makes puppy faces at the guy. He finishes singing and he and Simon engage in some awkward gay banter. Katy says he makes her feel dirty, he says Katy is dirty. He gives Ryan his number. Ryan passes it off to a big bear of a security guard, who strikes a pose. This whole thing was strange. Have the audition rounds always been this bad?

Chris Golightly has never had a family of his own. He’s been in and out of foster homes…25 of them to be precise. That averages out to be 1.5 families a year. I think the foster care system needs an overhaul, that just seems cruel. You know what else needs an overhaul? Chris’ hair. Seriously, it looks awful on Justin Guarini, and it looks awful on you. His story is a bit sad and Ryan channels Dr. Phil for a brief moment before Chris sings for the judges. It’s a good performance I think, but Simon and Katy seem unimpressed. Katy tells Chris this isn’t a lifetime movie. Obviously not. No abusive husbands have been killed by their wives yet. In the end, Chris gets a golden ticket.

Overall, this episode was another strange one that left me fairly unimpressed. But since I feel obliged to pick favorites (it’s in my nature) I’ll list a few below.

Best Female Voice: Tasha Layton
Best Male Voice: Andrew Garcia
Prettiest Girl: Tasha Layton
Cutest Guy: Chris Golightly(and it’s a stretch)
Best Personality: Mary Powers (her kid was quirky)
Best Overall: Tasha Layton

American Idol: Orlando Recap

For the fourth stop on the Idol Audition tour, we visit sunny Orlando, Florida. Only amazing things can come from the Magical Kingdom, right? Well, we’ll see. The show starts off on a high note for me when Kristin Chenoweth appears as the guest judge. I love, Love, LOVE Kristin Chenoweth. Everything about her makes me smile.

The first contestant we meet is Theo Glinton. Covered in glitter and sparkles and draped in silk curtain panel, one only has to open their eyes to know this isn’t going to go well. He looks like the illegitimate love child of Lady GaGa and Cedric the Entertainer. He obviously doesn’t make it.

Seth Rollins starts the night’s round of sob stories. He’s the father of a child with Autism. I’m trying to determine if what it is “hard times” that compels people to audition for the show. As Seth goes into the audition room, his son starts crying, not wanting him to leave. If your son is getting this worked up over not seeing you for five minutes, imagine how heartbroken he will be if you ship it off to Hollywood for months. Am I the only one that thinks that’s cruel? Seth has a pretty good voice and gets his golden ticket. Too bad for the kid.

Jermaine Purifoy is back for a second try. He willingly admits he wasn’t good enough his first time around. He sings “Smile” and it’s really quite good. The judges all give him a pass.

Shelby Dressel has a condition that keeps her from moving the right side of her face. Since Greta Van Susteren has cornered the market on news anchors that can’t move part of their face, Shelby decides to give Idol a go. She’s ok vocally, but her story is really moving. Lucky for her, that moving story is enough to move her to Hollywood.

To start the second day of Orlando auditions, we meet Jay Stone. Kristin Chenoweth is no longer there to judge so I’m already a little bit sad. Jay doesn’t help. He’s basically Blake Lewis part 2, but don’t you dare tell him that. According to him, he’s bringing something new that the competition has never seen before. Randy points out the similarity to Blake, and Jay is quick to respond. “He wasn’t doing what I’m doing. He wasn’t singing and beat boxing simultaneously.” Umm….that’s because when you do them simultaneously, no one can tell what the hell you’re saying. There’s something about this guy I just don’t like, but Kara persuades enough of the judges to put him through. I miss Kristin already.

Cornelius Edwards, the next contestant, learned how to dance from his stripper friends. That’s not a joke, those were his words. Halfway into his performance of “Proud Mary” he falls into a split that rips his pants. Not a small rip, a full on crotch rip. He stands back up with his pants flapping about and the judges quickly send him on his way…to Hollywood. WTF? How in the world? Next season, look for a barrage of pants ripping antics to entice the judges.

Like a contestant from the previous episode, sisters Bernadette and Amanda DeSimone live in a hair salon. Is that a new thing now? Am I missing out? I like to be up with the times so if everybody is moving into hair salons, somebody let me know. Kara asks the girls is they are from New Jersey. They respond by asking if the hair gave it away. No. The fact that they look like tweaked out tranny hookers from “Jersey Shore” gave it away. They sing, and it’s ok. Then they go into full out begging mode as the judges appear undecided. “We’re ready to work” declares Bernadette. Dear, I have no doubt of that. You certainly look like you work hard for the money, so hard for it, honey. The judges all say yes, and these trashboxes make it to Hollywood.

Jarrod Norrell seems drunk in his video segment. He elects to sing “Amazing Grace” cause he’s “gotta give it to God.” It’s gut wrenching. When told he isn’t making it through, he refuses to leave the judges room and the next thing I know I’m watching an episode of “Cops”. The guy is hauled off in cuffs. Bad boys, bad boys, watcha gonna do, watcha gonna do when they sing for you.

For the final act of the night, we meet Matt Lawrence. Like so many contestants, he also has a story of tragedy he’s trying to turn to triumph. In high school, he robbed a bank with a BB gun and has to spend four years behind bars. At least he didn’t shoot his eye out. Matt sings well, but the sob story is kinda annoying. Sure, you spent some time in jail, but now you manage your daddy’s trucking company. Hardly a tragic end. Did you meet the girl from earlier? You know, the one that can’t move her face? Now that’s tragedy. The judges like his voice and his genuineness and give him a pass.

The Orlando episode was low on talent and high on antics. Spilt pants, handcuffs, paralyzed faces…one of the more colorful collection of contestants. This, is American Idol.

Best Female Voice: Shelby Dressel
Best Male Voice: Jermaine Purifoy
Prettiest Girl: I guess one of the Jersey Girls
Hottest Guy: Wasn’t One
Best Personality: Seth Rollins
Best Overall: Matt Lawrence

American Idol: Chicago Recap

American Idol’s third stop is in Chi-town. And after a expletive laden show opener, who knew what we would be in store for. I always thought Chicago style meant deep dish with a thick crust and lots of sauce and cheese. Evidently, the sauce and cheese has been replaced with f-bombs and censor bars. The guest judge is Shania Twain. Kara is as giddy as a school girl to be judging with her, but for me…meh, “that don’t impress me much.

The first contestant to hit the screen is Katelyn Epperly, singing “Syrup and Honey”. This is the first time she has performed without both her parents present--that on account of their recent divorce. And after watching her story, it appears that the only thing more frazzled than her home life might be her hair. She’s good, though, and the judges give her four yes.

A strange guy on a boat tells us all about the city. Waist of time. Then comes Amy Lang. Amy’s a big girl with a bigger crush on Ryan. We learn a little too much about that crush. Umm…wow…she starts off with a fake faint and then bobs her boods. Kara calls it boob boxing, I call it a freak of nature. She’s kinda funny, but not a great singer. She’s going home.

16 year old Charity Vance lives in a salon. The clients at the salon ask her to sing for them. Not sure what she sings for the salon customers, but for the judges she sings “Summertime”. I don’t love it. The judges give some constructive criticism. Simon really likes her and the other judges follow suit. The usual round of “I can’t believe she is 16” banter ensues, and Charity is off to Hollywood.

I suddenly realize I’m sitting through the commercials even though I’m watching a recording of the show…silly me. Time to fast forward to a series of nameless, offbeat, and off key performers. Many have costumes, none have talent. I’m reaching for the fast forward button again.

The final contestant of day one is Angela Martin. This is her 3^rd time to audition for the show. After her first audition, the shriners hospital agreed to take care of her daughter. We’re not told why or for what. Was the audition that bad? Evidently not because she made it to Hollywood her first time. A few days before the Hollywood rounds, though, her dad died. This affects her and she doesn’t make it past Hollywood. Last year, she makes it to Hollywood again, but that year a traffic court date caused her to miss some of the audition rounds and she couldn’t continue. Will the third time be a charm? Or will this be the third strike? She sings “Just Fine”. She’s really good. Each of the judges tells us what they really like about her and all vote her through.

Some more nameless contestants appear, but this time they make it through. And with that, day one of Chicago is over.

Curly Newbern starts day 2. His pitchy falsetto has Simon and Randy struggling to contain their laughter. This leads to my favorite line of the night from Simon: “Do you find that when you sing, a lot of animals turn up outside your house”. If so, someone better call the PETA because subjecting them to that would just be cruel.

Alannah Halbert is next…and is no better. The judges try to help her pick a key. It doesn’t work. She takes her rejection in stride. A montage of no’s is presented and I start to doze off. Luckily there are some commercials to entertain me. I now realize why I haven’t been fast forwarding them…they are more entertaining than most of the performances.

We meet Brian Krause who tells us he was kicked out of the army for singing in uniform. A discharge was too kind. He should have faced court martial. I can’t tell if he’s serious or not. I hope to God he’s not. He tiptoes around during his song and the judge ask him to tiptoe on out of the audition room. As I expected, he complies. At least this one was mildly entertaining.

Harold Davis says he has spirit and soul. He’s tired of eating microwave dinners, he wants to eat stakes. When he walks into the judges room, he’s gonna blast off like a rocket. I’m going to buy him a nice new microwave. It’s no good. He starts to cry. Where’s the spirit and soul?

Chantelle Graczkowski leads off another montage of talentless singers, and then walks in John Park. His parents were against him getting into singing. I think they were wrong. He’s pretty good. Shania, who spends the audition braiding the drawstings of her blouse, finally pipes up to tell him he has a “beautiful bottom end”. She then starts spinning the strings from her blouse around and for a moment I’m having flashbacks of Paula Abdul. He makes it to Hollywood.

Paige Dechausse suffers from asthma and almost died when she was 15. Her music and her earphones were the only thing that could keep her going. The video segment lacked some of the emotional tugging of previous performers but the performance was pretty good. Simon is not impressed and gives her a no. Shania, and Kara give her a yes. They try and convince Randy to vote yes and you know he is gonna cave and give in. She makes it through.

As has been the MO of this episode, we see another set of singers in rapid fire mode. These are the good ones, though, and they make it through. I just wish we could have seen their full performances. I guess I’ll have to wait until Hollywood for that.

Best Female Voice: Angela Martin
Best Male Voice: John Mark
Prettiest Girl: Charity Vance
Hottest Guy: John Mark
Best Personality: Paige Ddechausse
Best Overall: Angela Martin

American Idol: Atlanta Recap

Idol heads to the dirty south for the second stop on the audition tour. The South has produced more idols than any other region, so I was hopeful that something great would come from this episode. Mary J. Blige is the guest judge. I don’t know much about her, so I don’t really know what to expect. I was pleasantly surprised with her, though. She added a few good comments, and a lot of wacky expressions.

Dewone Robinson starts the night off in style. Really. Bad. Style. He sings an original song, and if there is one thing that the previous 8 seasons of audition rounds has taught us, it’s that an original song is the quickest way not to go to Hollywood. The song is called “Lady, We’re Not Together Anymore” and after hearing Dewone sing, it’s clearly evident why.

Keia Johnson tells us she likes to enter beauty contests. She also tells us she never wins them…well, at least she’s honest. She did win miss congeniality once, but in my opinion that’s the one award you’re better off not winning. She breaks my cardinal rule of American Idol and sings a Celine Dion song. And not just any Celine song, “My Heart Will Go On”. She actually does a good job and so the judges give her a pass. It’s doubtful she’ll win this contest, either…but maybe, just maybe, Idol will institute a Congeniality Idol award.

A couple of nameless singers make it through and then we meet Jermaine Sellers. He’s a church singer, a la Kris Allen. He also brings us the first sob story of the night. His mom has a spinal condition that he has to help her with. Kind of a lame sob story, but he’s cute and has a good voice. I like the guy, the judges like the guy, he’s going to Hollywood.

There haven’t been any contestant that just caused me to groan in loathing up until the next girl. Christy Marie Agronow. She hosts a cable access television program called “411 The Show”, and has this annoying and not at all clever hand motion she does when she says 411. She says she wants to get everyone doing it. I say I want her to jump off a bridge. When she gets in front of the judges she starts talking to them as if she is announcing her platform for the Miss America competition. God, she’s annoying. She also happens to be a terrible singer. The judges tell her it’s a no.

The show is in Atlanta. Atlanta is in the south. So you knew at some point we would meet an unbelievably country, redneck, hillbilly. Vanessa Wolf is all that and a can of Spam. She’s from Vonroe, TN, where (speaking of jumping off bridges) she jumps off bridges…for fun. And we get to see a video clip to prove it…priceless. She says it’s the only thing to do there. Well, the only thing to do other than tipping cows, making babies, and cooking crystal meth I suppose. In her video segment she tells us the outfit she is wearing cost four dollar and fifty cent. What a bargain. Looking at it I would have guessed an easy $6.75. .” She sings with a country twang (surprise). I think it’s awful, the judges think it’s authentic. I think they are just looking for a country Susan Boyle, but this girl doesn’t have the voice. She makes it through nonetheless and I can’t help but pity the poor kids that will have to be in her group during Hollywood week.

Then, something I thought to be impossible occurs. We meet Jesse Hamilton. A contestant so filled with redneckery it makes Vanessa look like a runway model raised on Park Avenue. And just my luck, he’s from Alabama! Looks like I’ll be spending the next few weeks convincing my friends in Seattle that I did in fact grow up with paved roads and indoor plumbing. Jesse has almost died three times. The first time was when he “went limp as a dishrag” as a baby. Later in life, he almost died shooting pistols with a friend. And just two months ago, he was almost hit by a car. Mary can’t contain her laughter while he sings…it’s outstandingly bad. He doesn’t make it to Hollywood, which is sad. I was hoping he would hook up with Vanessa while they were out there. What a tragically simple couple they would make.

Holly Hardin comes in dressed as a guitar. Which means she is going to be terrible. The trouble is, she’s actually pretty good, which makes the guitar outfit all the more confusing. Good American Idol singers aren’t supposed to have costumes (with the exception of Adam Lambert, I guess), they are just supposed to sing. She reminds me a lot of Kelli Pickler, with a bubbly, over the top country personality. She makes it to Hollywood.

Then we have Mallorie Haley. She’s your everyday blonde with a good country voice. My favorite female voice of the night. I like her, Simon likes her, Mary likes her. She gets a golden ticket. She obviously doesn’t have much of a story. Too bad.

The crazy is back with Antonio Wheeler, aka Skii Bo Ski. He has the American Idol logo shaved in his head and has his nickname (albeit misspelled) on his shirt. This guy is a character. He sings “I Heard it Through the Grapevine”. It’s not bad, but it’s not particularly good either. Antonio delivers the line of the night when explaining why he should make it to Hollywood. “It’s a package deal, cause I’m like the dollar store. Cause even at the dollar store you can have everything you want in one package and it’s only a dollar. Cause I’m worth a lot.” Makes sense to me. The judges apparently buy the line (I’m guessing for a dollar) and send him to Hollywood.

Nothing is more awkward than when two singers sing in front of the judges forever. Usually, it means curtains for one of the singers. Such is the case with BFF’s Carmen Turner and Lauren Sanders. Neither one is particularly good, but just to make things awkward, the judges send one of them through. Then we see them out in the hall where the loser is insincerely congratulating the winner. Something tells me this friendship is about to come crashing down.

Bryan Walker is a police officer. He has awful hair. He sings “Superstar”. It’s ok. Since Simon has mysteriously disappeared from the judges table, he makes it to Hollywood. He won’t last long there I suspect.

Lamar Royal is one of those contestants that says he’s gonna respect the judges decision, then goes ballistic when they turn him down. I won’t spend much time on him, to save more room for what happens next.

To close out the night, we meet General Larry Platt, who delivers what will be the most memorable audition of the entire competition. His singing is terrible, he’s close to 70 years old, and he looks homeless. I don’t care. His song is priceless. And more than a few contestants in the show could heed his advice.

Pants on the ground, pants on the ground
You lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground
With the gold in the mouth, with your hat turned sideways
Pant hit the ground, call yourself a cool cat, lookin' like a fool
Walkin downtown with your pants on the ground
Get it up, pants on the ground
Lookin' like a fool, walkin' talkin' with your pants on the ground.
Get it up, hey, get your pants off the ground.

Best Female Voice: Mallorie Harley
Best Male Voice: Jermaine Sellers
Prettiest Girl: Mallorie Harley
Hottest Guy: Jermaine Sellers
Best Personality: Antonio Wheeler (as much as it pains me to say it)
Best Overall: General Larry Platt (even though he can’t go to Hollywood)

Americal Idol: Boston Recap

Idol’s back…and not a moment too soon. My favorite show on television had become “Tabatha’s Salon Takeover” on Bravo…and that can’t possibly be a good thing can it?

For episode one, Idol visits Boston. Two things struck me as odd--a surprising lack of overdone Boston accents, and a strange lacy scarf plopped on Victoria Beckham’s head. Seriously Vicky...not very posh. When my dreams come true and the Spice Girls make a comeback, she’ll be playing the role of Scarfy Spice. Ah, a boy can dream can’t he?

You knew the show would open up with a train wreck, and the Idol didn’t disappoint with its opening act, Janet McNamara. Singing “A Pocket Full of Sunshine”, it became quickly apparent that this girl was a few pocketfuls shy of talent. Lucky for her, she can always go back home to her Idol video game. At least the computer generated judges of the game dig her.

Maddy Curtis is next. The video clip reveals that she is one of 12 kids, and that four of her brothers and sisters have down syndrome. The clip was moving, but for a second I almost thought I was watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition. When she stepped in front of the judges, I couldn’t help but shout out “Move that Bus”. She did a good job. The judges liked her. She’s going to Hollywood.

Every season has its share of over-the-top, talentless disasters that make me hang my head in shame. Peppy Pat Ford is the first to fall into that category for Season 9. He sings(ish), he calls Simon sassy (and trust me, this kid knows his sass), and he’s shown the door. Don’t worry, he tells us he’ll be back next year…relax, breathe, it’s all gonna be ok, then.

A couple of good singers with no story or personality are granted Golden Tickets and then we meet Derek Hilton. Derek’s a long haired, creepyish guy that you know isn’t going to be any good. My favorite part of his video sequence was when he picks a flower petal and holds it in his hand. The camera switches to slow motion as he blows the flower out of his hand. You expect the petal to go floating away in the wind, but it sinks straight to the ground…kinda like Derek’s audition. I’ll give the guy some credit, though, saying Chris Brown is one of your role models takes guts. Seriously, does this guy own a television?

For our stereotypical segment of the show, we have Amadeo DiRocco. The video clip is of his big Italian family enjoying a big Italian meal. I think I spotted the Godfather sitting at the table. It was like a commercial for the Olive Garden. He sings “Hoochie Coochie Man”, a song I’ve never heard. He does an ok job, but I was a little surprised that the judges let him through. I’m guessing they did more out of fear than from a motivation to find serious talent. I mean who wants to be on the hit list of the Italian Mafia. Not me. As he leaves the audition room, he’s greeted by the complete cast of “Jersey Shore” and “The Sopranos”; and the whole gang erupts into a frightening bout of screaming and crazy faces.

We also get to meet the anime freak who designs Kimonos in her spare time. Her voice is as bizarre as her hobbies. She can’t believe she didn’t get a Golden Ticket. I can’t believe she honestly thought she would. She cries, I smile, the show goes on. A couple other people make it through, but they don’t get any real camera time.

Then we have Andrew Fenlon, who is looking very Clark Kent with his black hair and ridiculously large glasses…which strangely enough, he takes off to sing. It could be that the sun from the window was being magnified by the lenses and burning a hole in his retinas. This guy is the antithesis of joyous exuberance. The kind of guy who looks like he showed up for the audition because it seemed slightly more exciting than suicide. Kara hates him. I can’t tell if he’s trying to be an asshole, or genuinely has no social skills whatsoever. He doesn’t make it through.

Ashley Rodriguez sings, and is good. I think she’s very good in fact. She doesn’t have too much of a story, which could be a problem later on, but she’s pretty and talented. I like her. Yea for Ashley.

Tyler Grady rounds out day one with “Let’s Get it On”. It was good. He’s got a sound that’s somewhat unique, and a look that will let him stand out of the crowd, as long as the crowd isn’t still obsessed with the 1970’s. Oh, and he fell out of a tree and broke both his wrists. Talk about going the extra mile for some camera time. Most people just use silly costumes. This guy is committed to the cause.

Lisa somebody, another off key screacher, starts off day 2 in Boston. She’s followed by Mike Davis who is an actor on a speedboat. I’m not even sure what that means. The boat is called Codzilla, though, which makes me laugh. He spends more time flirting with Kara than he does singing. Dude, Posh Spice is sitting at the table and you’re flirting with Kara? The flirting pays off, however, as he makes it to Hollywood. I hope it’s worth it, Mike.

Katie Stevens’ grandmother has Alzheimer’s. I’m sure lots of people’s grandmother’s have the same thing but it’s sad, and the video clip is moving. It just can’t compete with Maddy Curtis and the Special Needs Brady Bunch from earlier in the show, though. Nonetheless, she has a good, slightly country voice and the judges put her through.

Then strolls in Joshua Blaylock. He seems a little timid, but friendly. I think he’s a total sweetheart. Kind of a Kris Allen meets David Archuleta vibe to his personality. He sings “God Bless the Broken Road”, which is one of my favorite songs, which scores him some more points with me even though the vocals are just ok. The judges criticize him for being too timid. After getting some coaching on how to be tougher, they send him to Hollywood. As he leaves, he follows Randy’s advice by proclaiming “Ain’t nobody gonna beat my “A”. It comes across way more “cut a bitch” than “bust a cap” and I fall on the floor laughing. Seriously, even I’m more street than this guy.

As I’m recovering from my laughing fit, Justin Williams takes his place in front of the judges. He’s a cancer survivor, he’s got a good voice, he’s hot, he’s going to Hollywood. ‘Nuff said.

Then the freakshow of the episode walks in. Norveto Guerrero. He’s sounds terrible, he looks terrible, he makes me sad to be alive. Just as I’m internally cursing the show for even featuring, Simon Cowell delivers the line of the night and it’s all worth while. “You sing like a three year old girl….you’re dressed like LaToya Jackson….and you have a beard…it was all just too weird.”

Bosa Mora confused me. I generally find that you have to have one of three elements to make it to Hollywood….talent, beauty, or personality. Bosa doesn’t seem to be have any of the three. The judges seemed to really like him, though. It’s something I can’t quite figure out. He’s got a decent voice, and the judges said he was likable, but I thought he seemed dull.

Closing out the night is Leah Laurenti. A devout Christian with a good voice. She’s won already. Randy and Kara loved her, saying she was one of the best they’ve seen. Again, she was good, but one of the best is a pretty high bar, and its one I’m not sure she can reach.
Overall there wasn’t anyone I just had to have. But I will list my bests list below:

Best Female Voice: Leah Laurenti
Best Male Voice: Tyler Grady
Prettiest Girl: Ashley Rodriguez
Hottest Guy: Justin Williams
Best Personality: Amadeo DiRocco (as much as it pains me to say it)
Overall Fav: Joshua Blaylock