Idol’s back…and not a moment too soon. My favorite show on television had become “Tabatha’s Salon Takeover” on Bravo…and that can’t possibly be a good thing can it?
For episode one, Idol visits Boston. Two things struck me as odd--a surprising lack of overdone Boston accents, and a strange lacy scarf plopped on Victoria Beckham’s head. Seriously Vicky...not very posh. When my dreams come true and the Spice Girls make a comeback, she’ll be playing the role of Scarfy Spice. Ah, a boy can dream can’t he?
You knew the show would open up with a train wreck, and the Idol didn’t disappoint with its opening act, Janet McNamara. Singing “A Pocket Full of Sunshine”, it became quickly apparent that this girl was a few pocketfuls shy of talent. Lucky for her, she can always go back home to her Idol video game. At least the computer generated judges of the game dig her.
Maddy Curtis is next. The video clip reveals that she is one of 12 kids, and that four of her brothers and sisters have down syndrome. The clip was moving, but for a second I almost thought I was watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition. When she stepped in front of the judges, I couldn’t help but shout out “Move that Bus”. She did a good job. The judges liked her. She’s going to Hollywood.
Every season has its share of over-the-top, talentless disasters that make me hang my head in shame. Peppy Pat Ford is the first to fall into that category for Season 9. He sings(ish), he calls Simon sassy (and trust me, this kid knows his sass), and he’s shown the door. Don’t worry, he tells us he’ll be back next year…relax, breathe, it’s all gonna be ok, then.
A couple of good singers with no story or personality are granted Golden Tickets and then we meet Derek Hilton. Derek’s a long haired, creepyish guy that you know isn’t going to be any good. My favorite part of his video sequence was when he picks a flower petal and holds it in his hand. The camera switches to slow motion as he blows the flower out of his hand. You expect the petal to go floating away in the wind, but it sinks straight to the ground…kinda like Derek’s audition. I’ll give the guy some credit, though, saying Chris Brown is one of your role models takes guts. Seriously, does this guy own a television?
For our stereotypical segment of the show, we have Amadeo DiRocco. The video clip is of his big Italian family enjoying a big Italian meal. I think I spotted the Godfather sitting at the table. It was like a commercial for the Olive Garden. He sings “Hoochie Coochie Man”, a song I’ve never heard. He does an ok job, but I was a little surprised that the judges let him through. I’m guessing they did more out of fear than from a motivation to find serious talent. I mean who wants to be on the hit list of the Italian Mafia. Not me. As he leaves the audition room, he’s greeted by the complete cast of “Jersey Shore” and “The Sopranos”; and the whole gang erupts into a frightening bout of screaming and crazy faces.
We also get to meet the anime freak who designs Kimonos in her spare time. Her voice is as bizarre as her hobbies. She can’t believe she didn’t get a Golden Ticket. I can’t believe she honestly thought she would. She cries, I smile, the show goes on. A couple other people make it through, but they don’t get any real camera time.
Then we have Andrew Fenlon, who is looking very Clark Kent with his black hair and ridiculously large glasses…which strangely enough, he takes off to sing. It could be that the sun from the window was being magnified by the lenses and burning a hole in his retinas. This guy is the antithesis of joyous exuberance. The kind of guy who looks like he showed up for the audition because it seemed slightly more exciting than suicide. Kara hates him. I can’t tell if he’s trying to be an asshole, or genuinely has no social skills whatsoever. He doesn’t make it through.
Ashley Rodriguez sings, and is good. I think she’s very good in fact. She doesn’t have too much of a story, which could be a problem later on, but she’s pretty and talented. I like her. Yea for Ashley.
Tyler Grady rounds out day one with “Let’s Get it On”. It was good. He’s got a sound that’s somewhat unique, and a look that will let him stand out of the crowd, as long as the crowd isn’t still obsessed with the 1970’s. Oh, and he fell out of a tree and broke both his wrists. Talk about going the extra mile for some camera time. Most people just use silly costumes. This guy is committed to the cause.
Lisa somebody, another off key screacher, starts off day 2 in Boston. She’s followed by Mike Davis who is an actor on a speedboat. I’m not even sure what that means. The boat is called Codzilla, though, which makes me laugh. He spends more time flirting with Kara than he does singing. Dude, Posh Spice is sitting at the table and you’re flirting with Kara? The flirting pays off, however, as he makes it to Hollywood. I hope it’s worth it, Mike.
Katie Stevens’ grandmother has Alzheimer’s. I’m sure lots of people’s grandmother’s have the same thing but it’s sad, and the video clip is moving. It just can’t compete with Maddy Curtis and the Special Needs Brady Bunch from earlier in the show, though. Nonetheless, she has a good, slightly country voice and the judges put her through.
Then strolls in Joshua Blaylock. He seems a little timid, but friendly. I think he’s a total sweetheart. Kind of a Kris Allen meets David Archuleta vibe to his personality. He sings “God Bless the Broken Road”, which is one of my favorite songs, which scores him some more points with me even though the vocals are just ok. The judges criticize him for being too timid. After getting some coaching on how to be tougher, they send him to Hollywood. As he leaves, he follows Randy’s advice by proclaiming “Ain’t nobody gonna beat my “A”. It comes across way more “cut a bitch” than “bust a cap” and I fall on the floor laughing. Seriously, even I’m more street than this guy.
As I’m recovering from my laughing fit, Justin Williams takes his place in front of the judges. He’s a cancer survivor, he’s got a good voice, he’s hot, he’s going to Hollywood. ‘Nuff said.
Then the freakshow of the episode walks in. Norveto Guerrero. He’s sounds terrible, he looks terrible, he makes me sad to be alive. Just as I’m internally cursing the show for even featuring, Simon Cowell delivers the line of the night and it’s all worth while. “You sing like a three year old girl….you’re dressed like LaToya Jackson….and you have a beard…it was all just too weird.”
Bosa Mora confused me. I generally find that you have to have one of three elements to make it to Hollywood….talent, beauty, or personality. Bosa doesn’t seem to be have any of the three. The judges seemed to really like him, though. It’s something I can’t quite figure out. He’s got a decent voice, and the judges said he was likable, but I thought he seemed dull.
Closing out the night is Leah Laurenti. A devout Christian with a good voice. She’s won already. Randy and Kara loved her, saying she was one of the best they’ve seen. Again, she was good, but one of the best is a pretty high bar, and its one I’m not sure she can reach.
Overall there wasn’t anyone I just had to have. But I will list my bests list below:
Best Female Voice: Leah Laurenti
Best Male Voice: Tyler Grady
Prettiest Girl: Ashley Rodriguez
Hottest Guy: Justin Williams
Best Personality: Amadeo DiRocco (as much as it pains me to say it)
Overall Fav: Joshua Blaylock
No comments:
Post a Comment