The first contestant to hit the screen is Katelyn Epperly, singing “Syrup and Honey”. This is the first time she has performed without both her parents present--that on account of their recent divorce. And after watching her story, it appears that the only thing more frazzled than her home life might be her hair. She’s good, though, and the judges give her four yes.
A strange guy on a boat tells us all about the city. Waist of time. Then comes Amy Lang. Amy’s a big girl with a bigger crush on Ryan. We learn a little too much about that crush. Umm…wow…she starts off with a fake faint and then bobs her boods. Kara calls it boob boxing, I call it a freak of nature. She’s kinda funny, but not a great singer. She’s going home.
16 year old Charity Vance lives in a salon. The clients at the salon ask her to sing for them. Not sure what she sings for the salon customers, but for the judges she sings “Summertime”. I don’t love it. The judges give some constructive criticism. Simon really likes her and the other judges follow suit. The usual round of “I can’t believe she is 16” banter ensues, and Charity is off to Hollywood.
I suddenly realize I’m sitting through the commercials even though I’m watching a recording of the show…silly me. Time to fast forward to a series of nameless, offbeat, and off key performers. Many have costumes, none have talent. I’m reaching for the fast forward button again.
The final contestant of day one is Angela Martin. This is her 3rd time to audition for the show. After her first audition, the shriners hospital agreed to take care of her daughter. We’re not told why or for what. Was the audition that bad? Evidently not because she made it to Hollywood her first time. A few days before the Hollywood rounds, though, her dad died. This affects her and she doesn’t make it past Hollywood. Last year, she makes it to Hollywood again, but that year a traffic court date caused her to miss some of the audition rounds and she couldn’t continue. Will the third time be a charm? Or will this be the third strike? She sings “Just Fine”. She’s really good. Each of the judges tells us what they really like about her and all vote her through.
Some more nameless contestants appear, but this time they make it through. And with that, day one of Chicago is over.
Curly Newbern starts day 2. His pitchy falsetto has Simon and Randy struggling to contain their laughter. This leads to my favorite line of the night from Simon: “Do you find that when you sing, a lot of animals turn up outside your house”. If so, someone better call the PETA because subjecting them to that would just be cruel.
Alannah Halbert is next…and is no better. The judges try to help her pick a key. It doesn’t work. She takes her rejection in stride. A montage of no’s is presented and I start to doze off. Luckily there are some commercials to entertain me. I now realize why I haven’t been fast forwarding them…they are more entertaining than most of the performances.
We meet Brian Krause who tells us he was kicked out of the army for singing in uniform. A discharge was too kind. He should have faced court martial. I can’t tell if he’s serious or not. I hope to God he’s not. He tiptoes around during his song and the judge ask him to tiptoe on out of the audition room. As I expected, he complies. At least this one was mildly entertaining.
Harold Davis says he has spirit and soul. He’s tired of eating microwave dinners, he wants to eat stakes. When he walks into the judges room, he’s gonna blast off like a rocket. I’m going to buy him a nice new microwave. It’s no good. He starts to cry. Where’s the spirit and soul?
Chantelle Graczkowski leads off another montage of talentless singers, and then walks in John Park. His parents were against him getting into singing. I think they were wrong. He’s pretty good. Shania, who spends the audition braiding the drawstings of her blouse, finally pipes up to tell him he has a “beautiful bottom end”. She then starts spinning the strings from her blouse around and for a moment I’m having flashbacks of Paula Abdul. He makes it to Hollywood.
Paige Dechausse suffers from asthma and almost died when she was 15. Her music and her earphones were the only thing that could keep her going. The video segment lacked some of the emotional tugging of previous performers but the performance was pretty good. Simon is not impressed and gives her a no. Shania, and Kara give her a yes. They try and convince Randy to vote yes and you know he is gonna cave and give in. She makes it through.
As has been the MO of this episode, we see another set of singers in rapid fire mode. These are the good ones, though, and they make it through. I just wish we could have seen their full performances. I guess I’ll have to wait until Hollywood for that.
Best Female Voice: Angela Martin
Best Male Voice: John Mark
Prettiest Girl: Charity Vance
Hottest Guy: John Mark
Best Personality: Paige Ddechausse
Best Overall: Angela Martin
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