The first contestant is Neal. Neal is a tall, awkward looking nerd. This means that unless he’s Clay Aiken, he’s not going to be going to the next round. He tells us he’s into pretty much everything…books, music, you name it. What he’s not into, evidently, is a matte foundation. Seriously, I can see Simon’s refelction in this guy’s face. As expected, he is lousy. He says the judges are making a mistake and he’s not going to leave. I’m excited that we might get to see another guy get cuffed, but he finally acquiesces and heads out on his on.
The next contestant is Jim Ranger. Like many Idol hopefuls before him, he’s a worship pastor. He sings an original song, which is usually the kiss of death. But, because Idol loves them some worship pastors, he gets a ticket. Avril makes some weird comments and votes no, but the other judges prevail.
A series of lousy performers follow. Then we meet Damien. He’s a martial artist who is also a pacifist. He makes sandwiches, apparently pepperoni is popular. He can’t remember the name of the song he’s gonna sing. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to forget how utterly horrific his voice is.
Some cute kids bring us back from the commercial break, and then we meet mommy Mary. Mary has a female rocker vibe. Simon likes the voice, but says she’s cliché’. They all give her a yes.
AJ Mendoza is an Adam Lambert wannabe. He’s rockin’ Lambert’s hair, he’s wearing Lambert’s clothes. He tries to sound like Lambert. He fails. It’s painful to listen to. Avril can’t help but burst out laughing. I can’t help but burst out in tears. Why would anyone subject themselves, let alone me, to this torture.
For day two, Katy Perry is guest judging. This should be interesting.
Austin is the kind of guy that would bring people onto the stage, and wouldn’t care if people touch him. Those are his words, not mine. He’s wearing a plastic red and striped shirt, and some coordinating plastic pants. It’s the ugliest thing I’ve seen in a long while. He sings a Cheap Trick song, and it’s predictably bad.
Another segment of no’s and I start to question if we’re going to see anyone that can sing. We meet Andrew Garcia, who’s a dad who’s focused on the bigger picture. His parents were gang members who wanted a different life for their son. Andrew is good. Simon is glad they met each other. I’m glad we finally got to see someone who can sing. After four yes votes, he makes it through.
Tasha is a personal assistant by day, and a minister by night. She’s amazing. The judges love her. The LA ministers are 2 for 2.
Jason Greene is a 21 year old who wants a golden ticket and believes in magic. He sings “I Touch Myself”. This would be frightening coming from any singer, but coming from this guy it has an extra special level of creepiness. His creepiness wears off on Kara and she makes puppy faces at the guy. He finishes singing and he and Simon engage in some awkward gay banter. Katy says he makes her feel dirty, he says Katy is dirty. He gives Ryan his number. Ryan passes it off to a big bear of a security guard, who strikes a pose. This whole thing was strange. Have the audition rounds always been this bad?
Chris Golightly has never had a family of his own. He’s been in and out of foster homes…25 of them to be precise. That averages out to be 1.5 families a year. I think the foster care system needs an overhaul, that just seems cruel. You know what else needs an overhaul? Chris’ hair. Seriously, it looks awful on Justin Guarini, and it looks awful on you. His story is a bit sad and Ryan channels Dr. Phil for a brief moment before Chris sings for the judges. It’s a good performance I think, but Simon and Katy seem unimpressed. Katy tells Chris this isn’t a lifetime movie. Obviously not. No abusive husbands have been killed by their wives yet. In the end, Chris gets a golden ticket.
Overall, this episode was another strange one that left me fairly unimpressed. But since I feel obliged to pick favorites (it’s in my nature) I’ll list a few below.
Best Female Voice: Tasha Layton
Best Male Voice: Andrew Garcia
Prettiest Girl: Tasha Layton
Cutest Guy: Chris Golightly(and it’s a stretch)
Best Personality: Mary Powers (her kid was quirky)
Best Overall: Tasha Layton
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