The first contestant we meet is Theo Glinton. Covered in glitter and sparkles and draped in silk curtain panel, one only has to open their eyes to know this isn’t going to go well. He looks like the illegitimate love child of Lady GaGa and Cedric the Entertainer. He obviously doesn’t make it.
Seth Rollins starts the night’s round of sob stories. He’s the father of a child with Autism. I’m trying to determine if what it is “hard times” that compels people to audition for the show. As Seth goes into the audition room, his son starts crying, not wanting him to leave. If your son is getting this worked up over not seeing you for five minutes, imagine how heartbroken he will be if you ship it off to Hollywood for months. Am I the only one that thinks that’s cruel? Seth has a pretty good voice and gets his golden ticket. Too bad for the kid.
Jermaine Purifoy is back for a second try. He willingly admits he wasn’t good enough his first time around. He sings “Smile” and it’s really quite good. The judges all give him a pass.
Shelby Dressel has a condition that keeps her from moving the right side of her face. Since Greta Van Susteren has cornered the market on news anchors that can’t move part of their face, Shelby decides to give Idol a go. She’s ok vocally, but her story is really moving. Lucky for her, that moving story is enough to move her to Hollywood.
To start the second day of Orlando auditions, we meet Jay Stone. Kristin Chenoweth is no longer there to judge so I’m already a little bit sad. Jay doesn’t help. He’s basically Blake Lewis part 2, but don’t you dare tell him that. According to him, he’s bringing something new that the competition has never seen before. Randy points out the similarity to Blake, and Jay is quick to respond. “He wasn’t doing what I’m doing. He wasn’t singing and beat boxing simultaneously.” Umm….that’s because when you do them simultaneously, no one can tell what the hell you’re saying. There’s something about this guy I just don’t like, but Kara persuades enough of the judges to put him through. I miss Kristin already.
Cornelius Edwards, the next contestant, learned how to dance from his stripper friends. That’s not a joke, those were his words. Halfway into his performance of “Proud Mary” he falls into a split that rips his pants. Not a small rip, a full on crotch rip. He stands back up with his pants flapping about and the judges quickly send him on his way…to Hollywood. WTF? How in the world? Next season, look for a barrage of pants ripping antics to entice the judges.
Like a contestant from the previous episode, sisters Bernadette and Amanda DeSimone live in a hair salon. Is that a new thing now? Am I missing out? I like to be up with the times so if everybody is moving into hair salons, somebody let me know. Kara asks the girls is they are from New Jersey. They respond by asking if the hair gave it away. No. The fact that they look like tweaked out tranny hookers from “Jersey Shore” gave it away. They sing, and it’s ok. Then they go into full out begging mode as the judges appear undecided. “We’re ready to work” declares Bernadette. Dear, I have no doubt of that. You certainly look like you work hard for the money, so hard for it, honey. The judges all say yes, and these trashboxes make it to Hollywood.
Jarrod Norrell seems drunk in his video segment. He elects to sing “Amazing Grace” cause he’s “gotta give it to God.” It’s gut wrenching. When told he isn’t making it through, he refuses to leave the judges room and the next thing I know I’m watching an episode of “Cops”. The guy is hauled off in cuffs. Bad boys, bad boys, watcha gonna do, watcha gonna do when they sing for you.
For the final act of the night, we meet Matt Lawrence. Like so many contestants, he also has a story of tragedy he’s trying to turn to triumph. In high school, he robbed a bank with a BB gun and has to spend four years behind bars. At least he didn’t shoot his eye out. Matt sings well, but the sob story is kinda annoying. Sure, you spent some time in jail, but now you manage your daddy’s trucking company. Hardly a tragic end. Did you meet the girl from earlier? You know, the one that can’t move her face? Now that’s tragedy. The judges like his voice and his genuineness and give him a pass.
The Orlando episode was low on talent and high on antics. Spilt pants, handcuffs, paralyzed faces…one of the more colorful collection of contestants. This, is American Idol.
Best Female Voice: Shelby Dressel
Best Male Voice: Jermaine Purifoy
Prettiest Girl: I guess one of the Jersey Girls
Hottest Guy: Wasn’t One
Best Personality: Seth Rollins
Best Overall: Matt Lawrence
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