Take 4 oz. of Pop Culture, 3 oz. of current events, a dash of the bizarre, pour over personal introspection, shake and serve.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

North Korea + Male Prostitues = The End of the World

I’ve long believed that there are two types of crazies in the world.  The first, much more common kind, is the type many of us sometimes fall into—and the type we all run into on a daily basis.  This type is made up of people like those who think Sarah Palin would make a good President, or those who don’t believe there were dinosaurs—generally well intentioned, just misguided in some of their beliefs.  Then there’s the second type.  The certifiable “voices in the head” crazy.  They’re the ones we “commit” and send to treatment, although they can be much less dangerous than the first kind.  

Today, I ran across a video from a whole new type of crazy.  In many ways it’s a dangerous combination of the first two, the type that might hear Sarah Palin’s voice in their head…but with a whole new crazy added on top.  I call this type the “William Tapley” crazy.  Just watch.



I hope you made it through the whole thing, but I fully understand if you weren’t able to.  For that reason, I have provided a brief summary (with commentary, of course). 

The speaker, William Tapley, introduces himself as the “Third Eagle of the Apocalypse”.  I’m not well versed enough in the end times to know who the other two eagles are.  I’m guessing one of them is Kirk Cameron.  He is also the “Co-Prophet of the End Times”.  How’s that for a title?  Suddenly, Director of Conversion Optimization doesn’t sound so fancy.  
 
 Last week, it would seem, was a super important week for those obsessed with the end of days.  North Korea fired shots on South Korea, which according to Tapley is the start of World War 3.  Now I know what you’re thinking…couldn’t that just be some saber rattling on the part of North Korea?   Well, Tapley has his bases covered.   The shots were fired on 11/23.  And the numbers 11 and 23 are evil numbers.  The Co-Prophet would know, he’s been looking for evil numbers.  

  The number 2 stands for man, the number 3 stands for God.  As a result, the number 23 puts man before God.  That’s bad.  And if you divide 2 by 3, you get…wait for it….666.  If doesn’t take an apocalyptic eagle to know that number’s bad news.  As for the number 11, well that’s a “homosexual number”.  Really?  I could have sworn it was 69.  Oh well, live and learn.  The guys at gay bingo are going to be very disappointed to hear this, though.  He doesn’t explain why 11 is a gay number here, but mentions that he has covered it in other postings.  It would seem that in order to be “William Tapley” crazy, you have to be a prolific youtube poster and I didn’t have the stamina to watch the hundreds of videos to find out. 

 So what, you might be asking yourself, North Korea fires some shots on an evil gay date.  That doesn’t mean the world is coming to an end.  Well, it just so happens that in the same week, the pope allowed the use of “some forms of condoms for male prostitutes.”  Some forms?  What forms?  Extra-large? Flavored? Textured?  My guess is that it’s the kind below.



 Taking us to the “Tribulation Timeline” Tapley explains that leading up to the midpoint of the tribulation, aka the “Abomination of Desolation”, the Holy City will be trod under foot for 42 months.  The Holy City is not Jerusalem, he explains, but rather Rome and the Vatican City.  With the conditional allowance of condom use by Pope Bennedict, the trodding has begun.  This will cause Catholics to flee from their church for 1260 days.  This places the “Abomination of Desolation” on April 13, 2014.  I’ve gone ahead and had t-shirts printed.  Not only is this a Palm Sunday, but its an unusual Palm Sunday.  On this date, it just so happens that the Orthodox and Christian church both celebrate Palm Sunday.  Convinced yet?  Well you should be.  What better day for the antichrist to make his appearance than the day both Jews and Christians celebrate Christ’s triumphal entry.  

  He goes on for a bit about Catholics fleeing the church, and then lets us in on one last little gem of a secret.  Airport scanners are a precursor to the mark of the beast.  I knew I saw little horns on the head of that TSA agent at SEATAC.  

 People talk crazy all the time.  It’s this guy’s conviction that makes it so frightening.  He might as well be telling us that unicorns dressed as smurfs are going to break into our homes and steal our pez dispenser collections….but he does it with unquestionable certainty.    And that is the true hallmark of “William Tapley Crazy”

1 comment:

  1. You did order a copy of his book, right?

    Brandon

    ReplyDelete